Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Do you usually wear your panties over or under your pantyhose?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

What is the reason for The Acolyte (2024 series) having poor reception among Star Wars fans?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Why do a lot of women have a crush on my boyfriend when they know he is in a relationship with me? I am starting to feel insecure too. What should I do?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

How many women have accidentally pooped their pants and became turned on afterwards?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

What was the worst spanking you ever got? Why did you get it, and how was it given to you?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Why do some straight men like to suck dick but don't find other males attractive?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Why was the rock band Kiss so successful?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t cotton to rapists

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I see through liars

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

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I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Why can't they repair the damage caused by Elon Musk renaming Twitter to X?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Isn't it a turn on to have sex with a girl in a skirt or in a tight spandex?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I have complete contempt for fakery

I can read

How come Taiwan is LGBT friendly, yet Japan and South Korea are not?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

When was you wife swapping fantasy started?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Why do I sweat between my legs all the time, top off my legs, all way down?

I don’t buy bullshit

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I have a reading level above third grade

Is there a specific time frame for therapists to tell their clients they are wrong?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I can count

I actually pay taxes

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity